The Truth About Tears
I once heard a health-care professional speak about tears. She claimed that tears caused by laughter are very different from tears caused by sorrow. I discovered that photographer Rose-Lynn Fisher put dried tears formed from different kinds of trigger points under the microscope and the pictorial results were stunning. Tears contain different molecules depending upon whether they are formed due to sadness, happiness, or by reactions to onions or tear gas. She discovered that tears formed from hard laughter aren’t even close to the appearance of tears formed from sorrow.
God created human beings who cry. I found a new kind of comfort in knowing that the tears caused by sorrow matter so much to God that they even have a different molecular consistency than “happy tears.” It’s how He designed us!
When our son was young, I knew a lot about the joyful kind of tears. It was common for me to “laugh until I cried” and I had enjoyed a remarkably happy life up to the time of Jason’s arrest, trial, and conviction.
Then I understood an entirely new kind of weeping—sorrowful, heartrending, unstoppable, and uncontrollable tears. I cried when I woke up in the morning. I cried when I heard his favorite song on the radio. I cried when I saw his dive equipment. I cried when one of his best friends stopped by the house to ask about him. I sobbed when I walked past his framed diploma from the U.S. Naval Academy, complete with a picture of the graduating midshipmen tossing their hats into the air on that sunny, joy-filled day in Annapolis, Maryland.
There was someone else I often saw weeping. It was my husband. One day he wrote about the tears I saw so frequently:
Growing up, I never saw my father cry. I saw him laugh at jokes, work hard on the railroad, argue with my mother, but I never, ever, saw him cry.
When my wife gave birth to our first and only child—a son. I cried when he was born. I cried when he took his first steps. There were joy-filled tears when he started school. Happy tears when he graduated from high school with honors. Proud tears when he was granted an appointment to the U.S. Naval Academy. Celebratory tears when he graduated. But two years later, I experienced a different kind of tears. Upon hearing that my son had just been arrested for murder, tears of anguish flooded over me. They didn’t begin to subside until several weeks later.
Jesus was very familiar with tears caused by sorrow. It’s interesting that the shortest verse in the Bible is about tears: “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35 NIV) Sorrowful tears can come from thinking about unfixable events and the seeming absence of God. We still believe in God, but we are often mystified by His choice not to intervene when He could have.
The Truth About Tears
- God is close to us when we are heartbroken.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.’ (Psalm 34:18) NIV - Tears break down walls between people. As we share our burdens with others, we support each other in prayer and reveal our hearts. One woman, upon hearing of my son’s arrest, said, “I used to think you were perfect, but now I think we could be friends.”
- Honesty about our sorrow opens doors for powerful ministry.
When I began to speak publicly about my journey with my son, instead of rejecting me, people embraced me. - Sorrow is temporary.
The Bible says, “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’” (Rev. 7:17) NIV
Author Ken Gire writes, “The closest communion with God comes, I believe, through the sacrament of tears.” The Bible says, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” (Psalm 56:8) NLT
The truth is—our tears are important to God.
Question: How has God ministered to you through His Word and through people during a season of tears?
Psalm 56:8 was one of the first scriptures that I memorized. I was under counseling when my daughter died My only child and the Counselor taught me about tears. It’s been over 12 years since Bran passed I still have lots of tears. I am so sorry that you had to go through that with your son. But I have learned that tears are good even though there were those that tried to stop me from crying or they would say we don’t like to see you cry. I know God cares even through the horror of the things we have to do and go through this side of heaven. Hugs and prayers to you and your family
Cindy, I’m so sorry that your daughter passed away. I can only imagine the ache in your heart. Thank you for your kind note. Let’s pray for each other.
This is so timely for me. I have cried so many more days than not in the reality of deep rejection But I do know The Lord is close I also laugh so hard I cry. Tears are a daily for me. I love that laughter is medicine! I love The Lord’s plan, love and way He created emotions! Even for sweet thoughts- tears!
What an uplifting note, Lisa! I’m so glad that God designed us to laugh and to cry. We need the balance of both in our lives. Your comment is a sweet reminder of that.
God has ministered to me through His Word and through brothers and sisters in Christ while I have experienced professional transitions and family-related challenges.
Isaiah 26:3-“He will keep you in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him.”
Thank you for the reminder of Isaiah 26:3! It’s a great reminder to keep our minds focused on Him.
Our son was murdered August 1, 2021 and that day changed my life forever. I thought I had experienced grief, but I soon realized I had not. The tears have been many and i realize they will never leave. God’s word and God’s people have been so amazing.
I now know without a shadow of a doubt you can praise Him No Matter What!
Oh, Kimberly…my heart aches for your great loss. Thank you for your reminder to praise Him in the middle of our darkest trials. I pray that our precious Heavenly Father will be “the lifter of your head.”
I’m sorry for this tragedy in your life. May God keep and undergird you. ❤️ G
Thank you, Gina. We will cross the 25th year mark of our son’s incarceration in October. God continues to uphold us–through His Word and through the support of amazing family members and friends. God bless you!
Mental illness has left an imprint on our family. At times when my tears flow, I sense Gods closeness followed by “coming upon” certain scripture dying quiet time that ministers to my heart. These examples affirm God cares about my tears
Tracy, I love that you’ve experienced great encouragement through specific scriptures at the time you need them most. It’s a reminder to all of us to stay in the Word of God!
Thank you!
You are very welcome, Cherre! Thanks for stopping by my website via the blog. Have a blessed day.
I have read your book Lay my Issac down many years ago & I still pray for you when I see your name.
How is your son, how are you & your husband?
Is your son still incarcerated?
Angela
Angela, thank you for letting me know that “When I Lay My Isaac Down” ministered to you. Our son has been incarcerated for almost 25 years here in the State of Florida. He’s living for the Lord in an unlikely place, and we’re very thankful for that. We are able to supply him with Bible study resources through our nonprofit organization, http://www.speakupforhope.org. You can read more about some of the projects our family has been involved in to help inmates and their families at that website. Thanks for writing.
God answers me faster when I’m tearful and emotionall. I guess he’s like we are with our own children. We know they are really hurt when they cry. He’s the BEST Father ever!
So true! Thank you for that beautiful remember, Renee!
Thank you for your words on tears
I have been crying many tears of late. My husband has Alzheimers disease and today we went to his specialist who was surprised to see how he has deteriorated
I’m so sad to see him not being able to do much for himself anymore. And I’m sad for myself because I’ve lost my best friend. We have been married for 54 years and have been inseparable
I feel so helpless.
I know that God can see my pain and my many tears and I know that He will help me through this very difficult time praise God
I
Lucy, I have no proper words to describe how sorry I am over what you are going through right now. I know you are grateful for the good years and I know there is great sorrow for you right now. I am praying that God will be your comforter and that He will surround you with supportive friends and family members. My great comfort is that life is short and for those of us who know Him–we’ll have an eternity with no more tears.
When we lost our son Brian, two years ago from alcoholism & Schizophrenia at 39, we found ourselves so lost.. God used “Griefshare to help facilitate healing.. And holding onto SO many verses.. “Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning “ is one..
Tish, thank you for the reminder that having a support group like Griefshare can help tremendously, along with clinging to the promises in God’s Word. I’m so grateful that even though our weeping often feels like it will never end, it is temporary–joy comes in the morning.
I never cried for 32 years. stuffing all my sorrow, dealing with infertility, my husbands addiction to pornography and his abuse in our marriage. It wasn’t until he left me for another woman did i truly break. All the years of having to keep a stiff upper lip and trying to fix my family were gone. God opened the flood gates and I could weep again . It cleansed my soul Tears truly are a language that God understands.
What a powerful testimony, Karen! I’m so sorry for all of the sorrow you’ve gone through. Thank you for the reminder that tears can be cleansing. And yes, I love your statement–“Tears truly are a language that God understands.”
Carol, thank you for your honesty and insight. This devo deeply ministers to me. I have read many books about heaven and my favorite detail each time is being reminded that there will be no more sorrow.
Kim, your note is so meaningful to me. I, too, look forward to the day when there will be no more sorrow.
This post was just what I needed! Thank you for sharing it.
Our son recently entered rehab at his own request after having a seizure at work. He’s a chef. He’s an alcoholic.
At the same time I was meeting with my “Heart Print Writers” group to say goodbye. After being given a leather journal and having them lay hands on me & pray – I wept cleansing tears. Tears that had been bottled up.
Jeanie
Jeanie, I love hearing about your writers’ group who prayed over you. I’m praying for your son to break free from addiction. Thanks for the reminder that cleansing tears are very important.
They must be. I have had a horrible life. Dysfunctional family. First marriage was a nightmare. Remarried and he is dying of a terminal illness. College degrees, paid for by me. With Honors. No job.
I have come to the conclusion that God hates me and I am cursed.
Everything that I have tried to do to better myself fails.
My house is falling apart.
I have major depressive disorder and meds no longer work.
Nothing I do works out.
I will be 65 on Sunday, and nothing in this life turned out the way I planned and worked so hard to achieve.
I pray for death. Once my husband passes and I do right by him, plan to write my will.
There is nothing here for me.
Parents, Grandparents, Stepmother deceased.
Toxic siblings no contact.
My friends are either dead or far away.
I am so miserable. A caregiver for 17 years for my husband. No days off,no vacations, no fun,no life.
I want to die. But have obligations.
When I am finally alone, will do so.
Everything has been so hard. I no longer know I am.
Basically anything bad or distasteful has happened to me.
I hate everything and everybody now
Why did He allow all this to happen to me?
I was a sweet, kind, caring person.
No more. Bitter, cynical, sarcastic and mean.
What is the point? My life ended 17 years ago.
Sandra.
I have no words. I can’t imagine how alone you feel And to feel like God is distant and/or uncaring makes your heartache even greater.
I don’t know what words will bring you comfort. I am reminded of Jesus’ disciples who screamed, “Were gonna drown. Don’t you even care about us?!? How can you sleep at a time like this??!” (Okay, I paraphrased Mark 4:38).
We can call Him Immanuel, God with us), but when He’s sleeping, what difference does it make?
Right? I hear ya.
But I have to wonder …
Was there a purpose for the storm?
Was there a reason for Jesus to be sleeping? What did the disciples learn because of those circumstances? Jesus is either Immanuel or He isn’t. There was more storms ahead. Worse storms. But I believe when the boat reached the beach, they walk off different men with stronger faith and they were a little more ready to do whst they were called to do.
If you feel like jumping ship, at least get closer to shore – but Immanuel will be there, too.
Take care.
Sandra your post touched me. Please “hear” me.
I was a young wonderful mother, two sons ages 6 and 1.5 years old. I barely drank, was devoted. Then I fell into alcoholism. It lasted well into my older son’s mid teens. He fell into his own addiction.
My son’s suffered through my alcohol at no fault of their own. I struggled.
One day, Jesus opened a door and I was able to put down the cravings. But, sadly, my older Son had his own mental health issues and my younger son struggled as he lived with his dad.
One day, my mom was shot and killed and the only two people there were my older son and a his female friend.
That happened in 2017. I was distraught, guilt ridden and at a loss. I’m sober and living for Jesus now. My older son has been awaiting trial since 2017 and we are still not really sure what happened. Or who really did it. All I wrote, is a short bio of a long road for me.
My younger son, a miracle, God turned his life around and he is now a youth Pastor at our church.
I have asked why things happened on many occasions. Yet, sin at its root is the reason.
We live in a fallen world but Jesus does not hate you Sandra. I could ask the same thing. I feel like my life… and the past is sand in my hands and it slipped right through my fingers. My sweet mom gone all too soon. My older son sits in a mental health institution waiting….
And yet, I know my redeemer lives. Jesus Christ. He is your Redeemer too Sandra. You have to endure and seek Him first. Fall in love with this Jesus who loves you so. Do not let your life slip into eternity without Him. Read His Word, that is His voice. Even if you start with Psalm 103, Psalm 46 and Psalm 91. Put your name in there as you read. Read Isaiah 54 and 45.
Sandra.
Jesus loves you Sandra.
I’m praying for you. You will make it. Start small, but start. Go volunteer one hour and watch God move. In Jesus name. Stay strong.
I’m sorry life has been hard for you. I want you to know I love you and will continue to love you and pray for you. Our God is powerful and close to the brokenhearted.
Sandra,
My heart breaks for you. I have grown up in a dysfunctional, alcoholic family, with generational curses. My sister, who is my only sibling, lives very close by but is not in a close relationship with me at all. I love Jesus who is my Lord and Savior but she rejects Him, as she has had a very hard life also.
I just came across this book today from Anne Graham Lotz, Billy Graham’s daughter, titled, “Why? Trusting God When You Don’t Understand”. She includes many Bible scriptures in her book while she talks about trusting God even when all odds seem to be against you. Order this book from Amazon! I also have a book being published by Christmas titled, “Hope on a Mission” which has people’s testimonies in it of how Jesus gives us hope no matter the circumstances. Jesus really does love you more than anyone else can. You are NEVER alone, even if you “feel” like you are. I know you don’t believe that right now, but run to Him, cry out to Him, He IS there WITH you, cares about you, and wants you to ask Him, Jesus, into your heart as your personal Lord and Savior if you have not already done so. Ask Him to forgive your sins and come into your heart. He has died on the cross for your sins and mine. He has risen again and prepares a place for us with Him. I pray you will ask Him, and He will heal your heart and brokenness, give you comfort, strength, peace, and joy and I pray you will see Him turn your life around, and feel His presence every day as you read the Bible, and capture and cast out every thought that is not from Him, but is instead from the enemy. I am praying for you girl! Oh Sandy, He loves you SO much!
Dear Sandra…thank you for sharing the depths of sorrow you are experiencing. The pain you are in is unspeakably harsh and my heart is breaking for you. The responses from Marie, Mel, Cat, and Lynn were powerful, and I pray that they were a comfort to you. I am covering you with prayer right now, asking God to make you aware of His presence and of His love for you. I have a friend who is a Christian therapist who is available to talk to you or to direct you to someone near you. Please email me at carol@carolkent.org if you would like to speak to someone. Just know all of us who read your note are praying for you. Don’t give up. God sees you. He hears you. He cares…and so do we!
When mom and dad were both in the hospital at the same time for covid in 2020 before the vaccine mom was on the ventilator for 8 days and hospitalized for 2 months. One day my hair dresser called, she had never called before. When I told her what was wrong she calmly repeated Ephesians 3:20 over and over and over while I clung to the phone and my fear was overwhelming. As she spoke I grew calmer as my understanding of the scripture began to mature. God did do exceedingly abundantly above all I could ever imagine. Mom and dad both made it through and mom was able to go to the Shirley Ryan Ability Lab after a very short fight (because of God’s help) with her health insurance! Many tears were shed during that time. God performed so many miracles there isn’t even room enough to write them here.
Margaret, what a miracle story! Thanks so much for sharing about what you have been through and thank you for reminding us to cling to God’s truth. I love Eph. 3:20.
Thank you for sharing again.
You are very welcome, Elizabeth!
My children and my sisters have reached out to me during my time of tears. It has been hard for me to reach out to others and tell them of my sorrow. My neighbors are reaching out to me and helping me with things I can’t do. I am alone now and since my husband died a few weeks ago. I am trying to reach out to my friends.
This has been a blessing to me thank you.
Ruth, I am so sorry to hear about your husband passing away. I’m sure this is excruciatingly hard for you and I’m praying for you right now. I’m so glad you have children, sisters, and neighbors who are reaching out. It means so much to have supportive people around us during our hardest times.
Dear Carol , oh how I been thru all of those moments that you describe , I have a grand son in prison, he recently was relocated to another CI placed in confinement and in less than a month was brutally stabbed by the cellmate , when the hospital notified the family , you can just imagine how much / many tears been flowing, praying , begging , pleading to dear God to heal his body , mind & spirit, don’t let go of his hand
Oh, Gloria, I know how dangerous correctional institutions can be and I am so sad that your grandson has been treated so brutally by his cellmate. I am asking God to heal him completely. Those of us outside of prison walls suffer with our love ones on the inside and I pray that you and your family will experience God’s comfort during this difficult time. Thank you for your comment.
Beautiful! Thank you, Carol. Blessings to you and Gene.
Thanks so much, Linda!
Blessed to read your message on tears. Some new thoughts for me. I have shed many tears in my 85 years of life. On a regular basis, I watch Bill Gaither’s program on Saturday night. Love gospel music, the old hymns, and something new. I have a weekly crying time. All types. God Bless you and Gene!
Hi Sherron…I greatly enjoyed reading this note. I’m so glad you’re listening to gospel music on a regular basis. Hymns and worship music are a great “heart-lift” to all of us who live in the middle of challenging circumstances. And I really like the idea of a once-a-week “crying time.” Sometimes is just plain healthy to “cry it out.”
I had to go look up the pictures and it is remarkable. The tears of grief look lonely, broken and disjointed. While the tears of laughter were big and luminous. It looked like a fun party.
Wow. Gods creativity is amazing.
Isn’t it amazing, Jenn? I marvel at our creative God!
Sooo good! I love your insightful, God-breathed writings!
Thank you for being a great encourager in my life, Janet!
Thank you so much Carol, (and Gene,) for sharing your life and Jesus with so many people! Thanks for being SO REAL! And that prison ministry for inmates and their families that you all have is beyond imaginable! Great will be your reward! God uses ALL things for good! You ALL continue to be in our prayers! Thank You Again!
Thank you for these encouraging words, Lynn. They blessed me and I’m grateful for you!
I’m known as the family cryer. I’m known for my “sensitivity”….yes to everything! I had fought it my whole life and believed it was a curse. It has been judged by others as ridiculous, especially in the workplace where it is considered a weakness. But after 40 years of not believing in Christ from an abusive, brainwashing time from aged 26 to 32, and believed that brainwashing nonesense until last year at 66, (40 years!) Jesus has revealed to me that my sensitivity is a gift. He gave us the ability to cry for a reason. I am no longer ashamed of my tears. Fighting them just stores up negativity that hardens the heart. Tears can wash you clean and afterwards give you a strength to pick yourself up and move forward, even if it is again and again. It humbles you and opens/unclogs the channels for God’s healing to reach you. I cry every single day whether it’s joy in my new life with my Savior Christ Jesus or my deep gratitude for His rich blessings, or a sharp word from someone or from the uncontrollable belly laughs with my husband. I’m so thankful for your book, He Holds my Hand, which guides me everyday along with His Word!
Elizabeth, this is such a well-written word of encouragement! Wow! God has certainly revealed the truth to you about tears. Thanks, too, for mentioning the devotional, “He Holds My Hand.” It was one of my favorite books to write because I was in the Word every day–meditating on scripture and saying, “Lord, what are you speaking into my life as a result of this verse?” It was life-changing.
Carol, in the midst of all this profound discussion, this little ADHD lady just had to see what these different tears look like, so I looked up the images. They are amazing, intricate works of art by the Master Artist. (Why would that surprise me?) Here’s the link, in case anyone else wants to take a look:
/www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-microscopic-structures-of-dried-human-tears-180947766/
Hi Ann…don’t you LOVE what a creative God we have? I, too, think this is such a fascinating thing–that God made tears of sorrow different from tears of laughter. It’s A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.
I will never forget the first time I heard that God keeps all of our precious tears in His bottle. To know that our sorrow and suffering is never far from His heart and mind is comforting. When Jesus wept here on earth, He identified with our ability and need to cry when it hurts. Thank you for this encouragement Carol. I do pray for you, Gene and Jason. God keeps you in my heart and mind. Blessings!
Thank you for those powerful prayers, Lisa. Jason is very aware of how much prayer has to do with the fact that he has not been “bowed down” with depression and hopelessness. I marvel at what he is doing behind the razor-wire to make a difference for His glory.
Carol, Your message on tears was powerful. But even more encouraging and powerful was the responses to those who were touched by your message. As I read the comments, I was so blessed by your responses and genuine concern for each one who wrote. I think that is another testimony of the power of tears. You and Gene have experienced more than your share of them but even in your writing and responses, I could feel the tender results of those tears as you pour out a listening ear to others with the brokenness and humility that only comes when you’ve gone through the storm yourself.
Thank you for allowing God to put on display His love and compassion for others through your tear-filled journey. Your tears have produced fruit for His glory.
Blessings,
Teresa Harmening
Teresa, what an encouragement it is to read this note! Thank you for your many years of faithful service to the Lord. I love your emphasis on God’s Word and on the importance of following biblical principles when we are in the middle of life’s storms. Your kind words touched me deeply. Thank you!
Carol, I first heard you on the radio and remembered your painful story later when my son was arrested as a 20 yr old lookout in an armed robbery . I read your book right away because I needed to know someone understood my grief. He has done 13 years on a 40 year sentence here in Texas. I joined Kairos Prison Ministry to help me with healing. Later, I stopped volunteering because you cannot advocate for prisoners if it is contrary to Texas Department of Justice. There are a lot of things that need fixing and too few to make an impact. Thank you for all you do. You are appreciated and God continues to use you. Joy
Thank you for your note, Joy! I’m so sorry about the pain your family continues to go through. I’m lifting you and your son up in my prayers this morning. I appreciated your comments about being an advocate for prisoners. Thank you for all you’ve done through Kairos Ministries in past years. That ministry continues to be a great encouragement to the men in the prison where our son resides. Let’s continue to pray for each other and for our sons.