“Lord, let me never enter a life, except to build.”
— Lila Trotman
She walked into a prison visitation room carrying only one thing—enough joy to light up an entire cellblock. Our son loved her deeply. With her slightly irreverent sense of humor, warm hugs, and vivid storytelling, she was not only his favorite living grandma—she had been adopted by many of our son’s inmate friends. Everyone at the prison called her “Grandma.”
That was my mother-in-law.
The call came this week. Gene’s mom’s health was failing, and she would be with Jesus very soon. Twenty-four hours later she left her earth-shackles for heaven. At 97, she had outlived a son, her husband, all her siblings, and most of her friends.
I met her long before I knew what kind of woman she truly was. Gene and I were newly dating, and I was anticipating a quiet afternoon with a mild-mannered couple when I walked into his parents’ home. What I found instead was a family that was loud, colorful, and gloriously different from everything I’d known—and at the center of it all was a woman who would become one of my favorite people.
She hadn’t had an easy life. She worked in a battery factory for years, fought for equal pay before anyone called it a movement, and held her own with the toughest people in the room. She was forthright, a little salty, and laugh-out-loud funny. She didn’t play games about how she felt. I admired that about her from the very beginning.
But it was one quiet afternoon in our kitchen when I understood who she really was. She told me about being seventeen, unmarried, and pregnant. She went on to share that on the day her baby was born, her own mother (who was very upset about her unplanned pregnancy) walked into the room, looked at the infant in her arms, and said, “For the last nine months I prayed that this child would be born dead.” She pivoted on her heels and walked out.
I was stunned. The baby in her arms that day grew up to become the man I married—a funny, encouraging, generous, and amazing husband. I realized that if bitterness had won in my mother-in-law’s heart, I would have missed out on an extraordinary husband and partner in life.
But bitterness didn’t win. She forgave her mother. She chose compassion over resentment, and she spent the rest of her life pouring that compassion into others, including years of faithfully caring for a woman with mental disabilities. She didn’t make a big announcement about it. She just loved people well and kept showing up.
And she showed up for our son Jason, even after his life took a devastating turn and he went to prison. For more than twenty years, she walked into that visitation room and brought with her something no correctional institution could contain: laughter, irreverence, and unconditional love. She never treated Jason as a tragedy. She treated him as her deeply loved and cherished grandson. He adored her. That visitation room, on the days she came, was full of the kind of joy that can only come from someone who has already survived the worst and decided love was worth more than dignity or comfort or convenience.
That is legacy.
Not a perfectly curated life. Not a family without fractures. Not a story without pain. Legacy is what you choose to do with the hard parts, whether you allow them to calcify into bitterness, or whether, by the grace of God, you let them become the very thing that makes you tender toward others.
She is with Jesus now, and I am still learning from her.
Scripture says, “God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life” (Psalm 51:10, MSG). My mother-in-law lived that prayer without ever reciting it. Out of the chaos of her early life, God shaped something beautiful—a woman full of resilience, humor, forgiveness, and love.
The best legacy a grandma can leave isn’t found in an inheritance or a recipe box or even a photo album. It’s found in the people who were changed because she chose, repeatedly, to love without conditions and show up without reservation.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and grandmas reading this blog. You make a tangible difference in the lives of your family members. Thank you!
Question: What is one thing you learned from your mom or your grandma that has made your life better? I’m eager to read your comments.
If you’re looking for Mother’s Day gifts for your mom or your grandma, check out Moments of Grace for Moms and Moments of Grace for Grandmas.
Never stop praying. That is the legacy my mom gave me, a broken, hard hearted daughter that she could have easily given up on yet she never stopped praying. She would tell me so and it was frustrating but today, many years later, I am a free woman. Freedom is precious and only because of a mother who never stopped praying.
Sue, what a powerful reminder this is of choosing to be praying moms and grandmas! Thanks so much!
I’m so sorry for your grief Carol. I also can relate to your mother in law’s story. My daughter was 18 and pregnant. We saw the devestation in the eyes of our church family . Some things were said that hurt our daughter and her dad and me deeply.God reminded me of how deep the hurt can be. … forgiveness is a beautiful gift from God . He makes everything beautiful in it’s time. Thanks so much for sharing your mother in law’s story with us…
Thank you, Anna. Sometimes the most hurtful comments come from unexpected sources. What an amazing mom you are! Thank you for this reminder of the importance of forgiveness.
Carol, thank you for sharing this beautiful story of a life well lived.
My Grandmother, Grace was kind and caring to everyone. She loved my Mom, her daughter in law like her own daughter.
Although she suffered with mental illness she was loving and unselfish, especially with her grandchildren. She took us to church, read us Bible Stories and showed us Jesus.
I am so grateful that she prayed for me and I know she is a huge part of who I am. A humble, loving Servant of Jesus, our Savior.
Wow! Your Grandma Grace sounds like a remarkable woman. Your note touched my heart deeply.
Carol, what a powerful and loving tribute to your mother-in-law. She must have been an amazing and fun woman. God’s comfort to Gene, you, and Jason. Nancy
Thank you, Nancy! My relationship with her grew over many years, and the more I learned about her past and all she went through, the deeper my respect and love for her multiplied.
There is always room at your table for at least one more setting. People were important and there was always a tin of homemade cookies in the freezer ready to be brought out and placed on a plate while the coffee percolated on her stove. Berries were picked from her garden and frozen, waiting to be baked into a cobbler. Both my grandmothers understood the value of hospitality and the simple gift of loving others well.
What a beautiful picture you painted through your words. I LOVE your description of “There is always room at the table for at least one more setting.” That gift of hospitality is something my own mom passed on to me. What a treasure!
My grandma was widowed at age 57 when I was just 3 yrs old. She was always a huge presence in my life and most of my best childhood memories include her. As I grew into adulthood she became my best friend. I was married at 19 and my husband worked the afternoon shift. My grandma was my dinner companion every evening. Sometimes she cooked, sometimes I did. We talked endlessly and I never grew bored or tired of hearing her stories. You spoke of resilience …… she raised 7 children in the depression and then sent 4 of her 5 sons to war. Her oldest son parachuted at Normandy on D-Day and is actually one of the “band of brothers” written about in the popular book. As I reflect on her I am tearfully reminded of all she meant to me and I would need an entire book to share even a tenth of the wisdom I learned from her. I am now a grandmother to 13 and great-grandma to 6. My prayer has always been to be at least a “half as good grandma” as she was to me. My story reflects your own Carol. I too have endured a beloved son locked behind bars. It was my grandmother’s imparted strength and resilience and unconditional love that enabled me to walk into a prison environment and navigate the emotional turmoil of that journey. Thankfully she had passed away while my sons were in their late teens and did not have to experience that episode of my life. But, she would most definitely been at my side if she had been here. I have never stopped missing her or longing for a quiet evening to just sit and talk for endless hours. When I get to heaven I know she will be eagerly waiting on me and I will be enfolded in her arms once more. I will lay my head on her ample bosom and thank her for all the love she gave me. And we will have eternity to rock on the porch with a glass of tea in hand and just enjoy each other’s company. Also, I would like to say thank you to you ! Your books and willingness to share your story have inspired and helped me through long difficult days and sleepless nights. I am happy to be able to say that my son is finally free for the first time in 18 years. He had his ankle monitor removed in February. He is just now beginning to realize that he has complete freedom. This past weekend he attended a family wedding and it was amazing to see him be a part of the celebration. I continue to pray for you as you live through the agony of your son’s prison sentence. May God continue to strengthen you as you use your story to help others !
Lu Ann, your comment reads like a chapter in a powerful book. What an amazing Grandma you had! Thank you for your encouraging words about my books. It’s always my prayer that the content will encourage and uplift readers who have experienced great challenges. Your beautiful note blessed me today.
So sorry to learn of your Mom’s passing, but praising God because she is now healed in the arms of Jesus. I met her when I was visiting my friend, Michael at Hardee years ago. She and JP were playing cards, enjoying each other and making memories, it was very touching.
I also noticed everyone in that visitors room were laughing, smiling, hugging as if they were having a party. That happened to be one of my first visits to a prison, I remembered it as a happy place. Now, years later, I still visit my friend, but in a different facility. It has become one of my favorite places. What a joy to be surrounded by content inmates, who are smiling in spite of their circumstances.
I continue to pray for your precious family.
Love, Rhetta
Oh Rhetta…I love this comment. I, too, find great joy during my time in the prison visitation room. The inmates are so grateful for the family members and friends who still care enough to visit. We never forget the pain of the victims of the crimes that are represented by the inmates in that room–but we also know the joy of sins that are forgiven when a person who has made a devastating choice confesses his/her sin and moves in a forward direction. Thank you for this beautiful post.
I love your mother-in-law! Lord, may we all be more like her. She’s walking on streets paved with gold and lined with people she loved. What a gift!
My MIL, Barb, was cut from the same cloth. The funeral director noted, “Your mom must have been something else. We’ve never had an 84-year-old woman arrive in her leopard nightie. ”
What Barb taught me? Lead with love. When love goes first, good things follow.
Nikki, your comment brought a smile to my face. I can almost hear the funeral director saying that he’d never had an 84-year-old woman arrive in her leopard nightie.” It sounds like you had a spirited and fun mother-in-law. I love that she taught you to lead with love.
What a great story! Thankful for the grace of God in EVERY life He touches! Thankful that “Grandma” left a legacy of joy! And-if I remember correctly- She (& Gene!) came to faith through your parents’ visit in their home!! What a story! What a great God!
Also praying for Jason, Gene, and you in this loss.
Thank you, Clarice. Yes, my mom and dad led Gene and his parents to the Lord on the same day. It really is an amazing story of redemption. Thanks for your post.
My mom’s mom, my Grannie, prayed. She came to Jesus as an adult after divorce and losing two stillborn sons. . I watched her kneel for hours in her bedroom. I am grateful she prayed for me when I was a toddler and doctors could not bring down my 106 degree temperature in the hospital. Her prayers were heard and I survived without brain damage.
My dad’s mom, Esther, was our small town’s matriarch. She was a silent leader and served our entire community with acts of kindness and hospitality. Her chicken and dumplings were my favorite. She was faithful and available to those in need.
My mom, was a hopelifter. She taught me how to be the hands and feet of Jesus in creative ways. Although she didn’t understand and receive Gods grace until her later years and looked to me as her spiritual mentor, she finished her life as my biggest prayer warrior and ministry cheerleader.
I am blessed to have a part of Jennie, Esther and Alice live on through me. Thank you God for the impact these women made in my life.
Kathe…what a legacy! How proud all three of these important women in your life would be if they could see all that you’ve accomplished–and all of it for God’s glory! I love that you lead the “Hopelifters” nonprofit organization and that you have encouraged women all over the world to to hold on to God’s promises–when they go through infertility and all kinds of losses and challenges, you continue to point them to Jesus. Thank you for your precious friendship over many years.
What a precious tribute–and what a sweet testimony to your dear mother-in-law. God wrote His story through her in such a beautiful way. My paternal grandmother (born in Port Huron, MI, BTW), was a loving example of faith. She had to quit school in fifth grade to keep house for her father/care for her younger sister, but she never let her lack of education keep her from exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit. Grandma had a child who did everything “right” (my dad, who graduated from that school up north [proud Buckeye here!], married my mother, had the perfect 2.0 children, and advanced in his career to amazing levels) and one who did everything “wrong” (my aunt, who became pregnant with a child out of wedlock and was forced to marry right out of high school, then married three men in succession, with two more children, abuse, and near-poverty along the way), but she loved both unconditionally and never showed preference for one over another. My kind, gentle, prayerful grandmother taught me that love never fails. It seems your mother-in-law knew this well!
Marti–what a grandmother you had! Her story is one of redemption. The lesson she taught you–that love never fails–is a biblical truth all of us need to pass on to the next generation. Thanks so much for posting.
I had two moms who influenced me greatly in my mothering and grand-parenting years. My mother-in-law taught me how not to be a grandma. Sadly she was easily offended and held grudges for years. It was devastating to our children and I yet I gleaned much wisdom by watching what NOT to do from her. My children also learned how to forgive and move on by the grace of God. My mom was the opposite….a sweet, loving, godly woman who taught me how to treat people and live a life that made a difference. She loved my children well. It was a stark contrast in what God can do in the lives of those who chose to follow Him. Happy Mother’s Day, Carol!
Marilyn, your post is such a great reminder that sometimes we learn what NOT to do from the people close to us who held grudges and were easily offended. Your own mom is someone I look forward to meeting in heaven. Thank you for this meaningful comment.
Carol, this is one of the most beautiful tributes I have EVER read to a mother, mother-in-law, or anyone for that matter. I hope pastors take note of this post and share it in their sermons this coming Sunday!
Maggie, what a lovely note. I consider you to be an exquisite writer, one I’d like to emulate, so your affirming comment means a great deal to me. Thank you for your kind and uplifting words.
Wow, I have enjoyed reading all these comments! What delight, Carol, that you and your mother-in-law have prompted, encouraging us to pause and remember our mothers and grandmothers. We often use the word “legacy,” but reading these stories reminds me how powerful a word it actually is!
Like Gene, I too was born when my mom was very young. From what I understand, none of my grandparents were too happy about it. How could they be? It was in the 60s in a small rural town where there was no room to hide anything private. One set of my grandparents never chose to embrace my arrival, but the other did. One grandmother, the one who had a business in that small town and probably initially dealt with feelings of embarrassment, ended up carrying me out of the hospital, to her home (along with my teen parents), and loved me fiercely for over 45 years of my life until she died a few weeks before her 90th birthday. Her decision to choose unconditional love changed my life and my family’s lives forever. I’m pretty sure she will meet Gene’s mom in Heaven. If there is a neighborhood for the “slightly irreverent,” I feel certain their paths will cross! (Every once in a while, when I’m really upset, I will say, “Don’t be a total ass.” My family always seems very appalled at my choice of words, but if this is enough irreverence to get me into my grandma’s and Mrs. Kent’s neighborhood in Heaven. I’m not mad about it!)
Kim, once again you made me laugh out loud. I have no doubt that your grandmother and my mother-in-law will meet each other in heaven. It sounds like the two of them have a lot in common. I’m amazed at the women who’ve come before us that often faced uncharted waters, criticism, hardship, disapproval, and harsh challenges. What remarkable women they were! Thank you for sharing this uplifting comment!
Being poor does not define you. You can make a difference.
Thanks for your comment, Hazel! My mother-in-law never had a lot of money–but she made a huge difference in the lives of the people she loved.
When my father died when I was 11 and my brother was 14 my mother kept life going for us. We even did a cross country camping trip in a pop up camper 2 years later. Make the best of the life you’re given!
What a remarkable mother! Thank you for sharing this powerful example of making the best of the life we’ve been given!
Thank you for sharing the story of your mother in law’s life and the way she forgave her own mother. So thankful that she gave life to your beloved and prayers for your comfort until you see her again!
Thank you, Carol. She was a remarkable woman, and yes, I’m glad she gave birth to Gene Kent!
I appreciate you knowing and loving your mother in law. For seeing past her flaws and honoring her. For sharing enough of her difficulties for others to see her ability to overcome through Christ. You give me hope.
My mother-in-law’s story is definitely a redemption story. I’m very grateful for her life and testimony. Thanks for posting.
Carol & Gene… first I can imagine the BIG hole you are feeling with this loss. My prayers. Thank you again for this beautiful testimony of another remarkable woman in your wonderful family.
My Mother always wore a necklace my Dad gave her “PERFEC-crooked T” as a joke, but she strove to be perfect in appearance, manners and behavior. She expected the same from her daughters, as children of an Air Force Officer. Maybe my older sister hit the mark, but I was too independent, and my younger sister too rebellious.
However, we were LOVED! We were HERS! And as she aged… was widowed… went through cancer… we had the privilege of observing her resilience and perseverance.
Mother worked until she was 85… even though she didn’t need to financially. At 78 she was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. Seven months of chemotherapy left her weak and hairless, but she insisted on returning to work “at the start of the new semester in February”. Bucket hat on her bald head, she was back behind the desk of the Campus Police greeting officers, cadets and students and handling their concerns. No big celebratory cruise or trip … just claiming back the life she loved.
Mother lived to 90 cancer-free and, when asked how she did it, “You just do what you have to do!” Simple, profound… and a lesson learned.
Thanks, Mom
Ohhh, Ginger…your mom was a remarkable woman and I wish I would have had the opportunity to know her. It’s no wonder you turned out to be a world-changer, an international leader and advocate, and a gifted dramatist. I’m so glad we met many years ago when I spoke at three retreats in a row at Big Bear. Those trips back and forth to the airport allowed us to get to know each other very well–and we formed a friendship for a lifetime. My life is so much richer for knowing you. And both of us have had a few very significant women in our lives who inspired us and modeled how to move forward in the midst of disappointments, hardships, challenges, and crises. Your amazing mom lived long enough to see many of your major accomplishments. You made her proud–but you honored the Lord with the organizations, churches, causes, and projects you said “yes” to. Thank you for being a woman of influence for God’s glory.
This tribute to Rhua is beautiful, Carol. My children loved her too. I keep thinking of our sister, Paula (who spoiled her with chocolates here on earth) joyously welcoming a wide-eyed Rhua with a bit of Divine chocolate and saying, “Come On! Jesus is waiting just for YOU!”
I love that thought, Jennie! It was always fun to see how much the cousins loved listening as Rhua told a story. She enjoyed Amber and Josh greatly and looked forward to the reunions where we’d sit around the table following a meal and share stories. Many thanks to you and Graydon for your encouragement and kindness to her over many years. We certainly made lots of priceless memories.
I learned unconditional love from both my Mom and my Grandmother. My grandmother had six children and I am from a family of seven. Both women worked hard with very little and had so much love for us all. I am sure it was the Lord in their lives. Really enjoyed another great story, thank you.
Thank you for this post, Elizabeth! I so enjoyed hearing about your mom and your grandmother. I’m from a family of six children and I learned so much about how to be a good mom from my own mother, too.
My Mom was a wonderful example to me in so many ways. She was funny, always giving of herself and my best friend. She taught me a lot from bringing foster children into our home to always supporting me in situations that many Moms might not. My Mom left this earth many years ago and far too early in my opinion but I’m very thankful for all of her great memories that she left me. What a great story of your Mother in law Carol. I knew that world of visiting a prison for many years. In fact at a conference a long time ago I stood in line to meet you and you prayed for my son who was incarcerated at the time. I will always remember how that made me feel. Thank you for your ministry. I pray for Jason often.
Your comment blessed me, Vicki! It sounds like your mom was a remarkable person–and what a reunion you’ll have with her someday! I’m praying for you and your family right now.