I didn’t expect to be writing about grief again so soon.
A few months ago, we mourned the passing of my sister Paula after watching pancreatic cancer take her from us with a swiftness that still takes my breath away. Last weekend we gathered in Michigan to celebrate her colorful and vivacious life. Not long after Paula’s home going, we said goodbye to my mother-in-law, a quirky, funny, and courageous woman who loved me like her own daughter for decades.
And just this week, our family received the kind of message that rearranges everything: my niece’s husband, Jared, has been diagnosed with advanced colon cancer that has spread to his liver. Jared and my niece Carol Joy—my namesake—serve the Lord in the Asia Pacific region where Jared is a bush pilot. They have four school-age sons who are devastated by this news (Titus, Ivan, Gabriel, and Matthias). Life-altering decisions are being made. They are pictured in this blog. Please pray for wisdom and healing. Above all, pray for God’s will to be done.
How about you?
If you’re reading this and you, too, have lived through a season where grief seemed to arrive in waves, one loss barely settling before the next one crashes in, I want you to know something today. You are not alone, and you are not without hope.
C.S. Lewis wrote in A Grief Observed, “No one ever told me that grief felt like fear.” That’s exactly right, isn’t it? Grief disorients us. It makes us feel unsteady on ground we thought was solid. But Scripture doesn’t ask us to pretend otherwise. The psalmist wrote, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18, NLT). God isn’t waiting for us to stop hurting before He draws near. He comes into the hurt with us.
So how do we move forward when exhaustion and sorrow keep stacking up? Here’s what I’m learning to do, one shaky step at a time:
- Name the grief out loud.
Don’t minimize it or rush past it. Tell a trusted friend, pour out your sorrow in a journal, or talk to God about exactly what you’re carrying. Suppressed grief doesn’t disappear; it just waits.
- Anchor yourself in one promise a day.
I’ve been returning again and again to Lamentations 3:22–23: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning.” Some mornings, that’s the only truth I can hold onto, but it’s enough.
- Let your “Stretcher Bearers” carry what you cannot carry alone.
Corrie ten Boom once said, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” Part of trusting Him is letting His people show up for you, with meals, prayers, and presence. Receive it.
- Take one next faithful step, not ten.
You don’t have to solve the whole season today. Write the email. Make the appointment. Sit with the family member. Romans 12:12 calls us to “rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (ESV), not to fix everything by Friday.
- Remember that joy and sorrow can coexist.
Psalm 30:5 promises that “weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” That doesn’t mean grief disappears overnight. It means morning is still coming.
I don’t know yet what God’s plan is for Jared, for Carol Joy, and for their four sons. I do know this. Jesus lives. He conquered death once, completely, and that victory doesn’t expire. Elisabeth Elliot wrote, “He is God. Therefore, He acts like Himself in all things, including the puzzling and the painful.” I’m choosing to believe that, even now.
If grief has piled up in your life this season too, friend, take heart. We’re not promised an easy road, but we are promised a present, faithful God who walks every mile of it with us, and an empty tomb that means our story doesn’t end in sorrow.
He is risen. So, we rise too.
Question: What “stretcher bearers” has God placed in your life during a hard season, and how did they show up for you? How can I pray for you?
Praying for your family right now ❤️
Thank you, Victoria!
Grief knocks the wind out of us. It introduces us to paths of pain we never expected to walk down. I am so sorry for your pain. My heart hurts for you. I am taking care of my Daddy and he is in the last days barring a miracle from God. I have done things for him I never imagined. It opens my eyes to the realities of a caregiver. I grieve who he used to be, what he used to be able to do, and I miss his loud laughter that has hidden in the recesses of his sickness. My prayer are with you this morning, Carol and I am bombarding Heaven this morning, knowing God hears.
TammyWhitehurst
Oh, Tammy, your words touched me deeply this morning and I’m praying for your family as you pray for mine. May these days with your precious Daddy be precious. His end to this world’s suffering may soon be over and you are on holy ground.
Hi Carol,
I lost my brother July 4,2026 and then Monday my oldest daughter lost her father in law. Yes grief is all those things you say it is. I facilitate Griefshare at my church, this fall session will be different for sure.
We lost our parents April 12, 2017 (dad) and then 72 days later June 23. 2017 (mom) – that is why I lead griefshare.
Aundrea, you have had loss upon loss and I’m praying for you right now. Thank you for leading Griefshare and for encouraging others even as you are experiencing your own sorrow. I’m praying for you right now.
My prayers will be for your nice, her husband’s health and their four children. I know this is a battle and this is one of my favorite verses. “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” “(NIV). Exodus 14:14
What a powerful verse, Ellen! Your words blessed me today.
The pot of soup. The persistent knock at my door until I answered that time I tried to isolate. The long walk on the beach when it was too cold for a beach walk. The vulnerable confession, “I don’t know how to help or what to say, but I am right here.” while her loving hand still resting on my arm. The sweet text message that comes every Tuesday night, “Garbage cans go out tonight.“
The prophets proclaimed, “They will call his name Emmanuel.” God with us!
God has manifested his presence in extraordinary ways in the six months since Michael’s passing – through ordinary people! They have been conduits of his love and his power and his healing and his grace and I am so grateful!
Precious Diana, your words brought me to tears. It’s still hard to believe that your remarkable husband Michael left for heaven so quickly. I know you miss him every day and I’m praising God for the way He keeps sending reminders of God’s love and care…through the pot of soup, the knock at the door, the beach walk, through people “being there.” I love you, my friend, and I pray that you have a tangible awareness of His presence each day.
I love you, Carol. I am praying once again for your dear family. My heart breaks as you enter into this new trial still wearing sackcloth and ashes. Grief upon grief.
God is faithful. God is present. He is merciful and loving and powerful! I trust him with every detail.
Such an encouraging word Carol! And don’t we need it! Praying for your family, Speak Up especially you. Grace and peace friend!!
We’re grateful for your prayers, Jan! Thanks for your prayers for the Speak Up Conference this week, too!
Carol, Thank you for addressing grief. There were a few people who would continually check in on me. My church family showed up in big ways. My losses include the loss of my son, my father, my brother, my nephew, ministry partners and my husband who was only 59. Four of these losses were in the past 5 years. Also, at age 19 my daughter had stage 4 cancer. She’s now 36. Praise God! I now lead GriefShare at my church & conduct a workshop titled, “Being Comfortable Being Uncomfortable” on how to help others going through grief. So many people say & do the wrong thing or say & do nothing. So thankful God is allowing me to use my tragedies to help others. Thank you, Carol, for all the ways you help others through your trials & tragedies.
What a powerful and encouraging word, Cheryl. You have gone through much grief yourself, yet you reach out to help others. What a blessing!
Oh, Carol! What a difficult season ahead for this precious family! Praying as I read this…..
The whole family is grateful for your prayers, Clarice.
Dear Carol and Family,
Thank you so much first, for you, many times your encouraging, faithful words have been my only source.
God is so faithful, and I believe this with all my heart, none of us are exempt
I will pray for Our faithful Father to always make His will be done.
Blessings Sweet Friend in Christ
Sandy, I know you understand loss. Thanks so much for this note and for your prayers.
I share in this overwhelming grief for & with you & yours.
I’m not in competition of how hard, big or personal… tHIS is BIG!
As I wept reading this and I reread….
My prayer that more souls will be saved by this testimony of you & yours.
How large & long the pain…. Our God will show Himself faithful in miraculous ways.
To God goes the glory.
Loved in Christ
What a profound word of hope, Angela. God bless you!
Powerful. True. Timely. Thank you for always writing from the vulnerable side of your heart, Carol. It helps us. Our prayers are with you and your precious family!
Thank you, Sheri. Jared, Carol, and their four sons made it safely back to the USA on Sunday night after 48 hours of travel that included long delays. Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you for this amazing blog post! It is on point in every aspect…
In 2021 my Mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly and our family has never been the same. Her death drove wedges between myself and my three brothers. Unbelievable devastation that is still not resolved. A year later my Dad died a very broken and sad death after losing Mom. Then three short months later my husband of 34 years dropped dead of cardiac arrest in front of my daughter, son-in-law, grandson, and myself in a busy crowded restaurant. Six months later, my son was in a terrible boating accident and broke every bone in his face and knocked out his front teeth. Praise God he has recovered. And then my brother closest to me and the only one I speak to often, was drinking to cope from all the loss and heartache and was in an accident where he was charged with DUI vehicular manslaughter and sentenced to 20 years in prison at the age of 63! It has been a train wreck of grief!!!
I have read all of the books you referenced and I cling to the scriptures that you share. I have read your book, “When I lay my Isaac down,” and have just surrendered it all to God. He is enough. He is present. He is here. And He walks each step forward with is and guides us as we walk this incredible road out. His strength is absolutely made perfect in my weakness.
I co- lead Grief Share now and I am very involved in Kairos Prison Ministry, and a Stephen Minister. God will often use our deepest pain for a great purpose to serve others that we never could have done without the understanding that Grief brings.
Thank you for sharing. And I am praying for your family.
Living in His Grace ~ Jeannie
Jeannie, you have been through unspeakable loss, yet you are reaching out to help others through Grief Share and Kairos Prison Ministry. I’m praying that God will multiply the impact of your ministry in major ways. Thank you for this note.
Praying for the Lord to uphold you, especially as you go into this conference. Praying for comfort, strength, and somehow, rest. Praying also for Jared and his family. Oh, how we need good, godly men. I’m praying the Lord will override the cancer and bring healing, but also prevailing trust. Thank you for what you have shared and for taking the time to share it—so good and so true.
Rebecca, your words are precious to me. Jared, Carol Joy, and their sons made it safely back to the USA on Sunday night. Treatment for Jared will begin later this month. Thanks for praying.
praying for you. I am processing the 5th close family member to die in 5 years.
it has been a journey to say the least. As i wrestled with God and the whys. I would hear the still small voice of the Lord saying I will never leave you or forsake you. Lean into me I am walking with you through the valley of the shadow of death.
Karen, that verse is a powerful reminder to cling to God’s Word as we go through every hard situation. Thank you!
Compassion and empathy come to the forefront when we see others experiencing the horrific emotions of grief. Not only in words but in deeds. After experiencing the unexpected deaths of my daughter and then my husband I feel God has equipped me and called me into Grief Ministry through facilitating classes, writings and other areas of helping others through their grief journey. Your book “He Holds my Hand” has been a source strength and reference to me and others as I share with them. Prayers for you and your family as you once again navigate through grief. Knowing our God is present and is with us is our source of comfort and strength. Blessings.
Vicki, thank you for serving others through their grief journey in the middle of your own major losses. God bless you!
I love the term “stretcher bearers.” Mine have truly picked me up and carried me to Him when I could not stand–either in the season of caregiving for my husband in his dementia journey or in my mom’s final years, also with dementia. Tom has been in heaven not quite two years and Mom just over a month. One of my stretcher bearers is that friend who showed up when I didn’t ask her to come, who loved Tom and me at our best and at our worst, who sat with me when neither of us had words, and who insisted I spend nights at home during my mom’s final weeks on earth. Please pray for me to remain faithful in all my seasons, and I pray the same for you and your family. As I read this morning, He is our rock, our fortress, and the One who rescues us!
Oh, Marti, you certainly understand the grief that comes in “waves.” Thank you for this beautiful post. It reminds me to remain faithful throughout the hard times and to willingly accept the encouragement and help provided by our “stretcher bearers.”
Carol, thank you for sharing, as always, so honestly. My heart breaks at this latest news.
Your words remind us that grief doesn’t arrive in neat stages; it does come in waves. One quote that has stayed with me through the loss of my husband, my parents, and more recently my own health challenges is from Charles Spurgeon: “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.”
At first, I couldn’t imagine kissing those waves. I wanted them to stop. But over time, I’ve learned that even the hardest waves have carried me into a deeper dependence on Christ, my unchanging Rock. I’m so grateful for the stretcher bearers God has placed in my life, family, and faithful friends, and that includes you, who carried me when I had no strength of my own. Their presence has been one of God’s sweetest gifts.
Holding you and your family close to my heart in thoughts and prayers.
Precious friend, what a meaningful post. You have gone through so much during the past year, and here you are, encouraging me! What a blessing your friendship is! Thank you for that powerful quote from Charles Spurgeon: “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.” I will share that with my family. Thanks, too, for your powerful prayers.
Thank you, Carol. I, too, am in a grieving season. Prayers for your family
Patti, it’s so good to hear from you. We are in Grand Rapids getting ready to begin the 2026 Speak Up Conference. I’m so sorry to hear that you are in a season of grief. I’m lifting you in prayer as I write this note.
Your reminder about writing to God or finding someone to talk to was just what I needed to hear. I’m going through a lot right now and I know that God is with me, but I still feel alone. I’m keeping you and your family in my prayers
Thank you, Cathy. Your note encouraged me today. I’m praying that God will bring supportive people into your life during this challenging time.
Enjoyed reading but with a heavy heart. Thank you for the scriptures, my favourites. Will continue to pray for your family.
You are a blessing, Elizabeth. Thank you for your prayers.
I am in a roller coaster season as well. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colorectal Cancer with mets to the liver less than a year ago. He goes to City of Hope Cancer Center. They have several places in the US. They are leading the way with research and Cancer treatments. They have everything in one place. They are all compassionate there. There are ups and downs through the process. I have had moments of being frustrated and mentally drained. It has changed our life for sure right at a time we were retiring. Thanks for your reminder that Joy comes in the morning. I am praying for you and your family.
Oh, Cindy, I’m praying for you and your husband right now. What a year you’ve had! God bless you!
Dearest Carol, thank you for your encouraging words. I just want to let you know the Lord has been placing you on my heart to pray for you and your family . I had no idea of all the things you have been going through , but God did. I hope this encourages you that somewhere out in Iowa, the Holy Spirit came to whisper your name to pray for Carol and her family and I am sure, I am just one amongst the many of his army.
Lynda, what a word of encouragement your post brought to my heart. Thank you for praying for my family when God nudges you to do so.
So good Carol and so true. Grief and gratitude can coexist. We can acknowledge and lament as well, as offer a sacrifice of praise, knowing that our God is good all the time, His love is never failing and it endures forever.
Praying for Jared and all of his extended family.
Dyann, your words are powerful–and you have been through a lot during the past couple of years. Thank you for being on our Speak Up prayer team! I’m eager to see you aat the conference this week.
2 years ago this August I lost my husband and best friend of over 50 years. Because of so much tragic loss in our lives together over the years he ran from God and I ran to God. I prayed for him to fully surrender to the Lord in those over 30 years that I served Him with my whole heart. The last year of his life before he was diagnised with stage 4 cancer I could see him listening to Franklin Graham as he presented the gospel and he was listening more intently when I asked him to please draw near to God. It wasnt that he didnt believe God was real—he just couldn’t believe that He could love him. So 3 months before he was diagnosed he told me he had asked God to forgive him and there was radical change but it has been bittersweet. We prayed every night together in those 8 months that his life was wasting away. So my grief has been heavy and people may say, “well it has been 2 years!” I am forever changed. God is carrying me and has carried me back to a loving church where I pray I can serve him well again but life will never be the same. How could it be? In a footnote during the last year of my husband’s life we also lost our two very senior dogs. I had no children. I felt like I was having a Job experience. I am learning about loneliness.The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
Charmaine, thank you for sharing what you’ve been going through. I love that you are clinging to Psalm 34:18. It’s a powerful scripture verse. I’m praying for you this evening.
I’m praying for your family
Praying for all of you and for the stretcher bearers God will provide to be the hands and feet of Jesus for your family in practical and tangible ways to meet needs. God is still the God of miracles and healing even in the midst of unthinkable circumstances and grief. It may look different than we expect, however He is able to transform our sorrow into joy, our fear into faith, and our pain into purpose. May He meet each of you in moments with His supernatural power and presence and give you peace.
Hugs to your heart.
Kathe, thank you for our long friendship and for this encouraging word. Your kindness in sending the beautiful balloon bouquet and the basket of gourmet treats last weekend for my sister’s Celebration of Life meant more to me than I can put into words. You truly demonstrate what it means to be a “hopelifter.” XOXO
Praying for you, Carol, and for this precious family. And, you are right. Joy and sorrow can and do co-exist. They are not mutually exclusive. What a wonderful truth!
Carol, you are a woman of wise words. I value your precious friendship! Thank you for this uplifting note. Love you!
Powerful article – thank you Carol!
Dear Carol,
I have been following your story for nearly 6 years and have found such comfort and help in your writing. I am so sorry for the loses in your life, and especially for this sweet missionary family and Jared’s illness. My husband and I have been missionaries in Peru over 40 years, so we understand the unique grief and challenge this is for a missionary family. We and our mission will keep him and his family in our prayers.
I love that you call people “stretcher bearers”. I’ve read this term in your books and it’s so applicable. My oldest son Jesse worked with us in ministry in Peru and traveled with his dad to Global Mission Conferences around the world. In Grad school he met a girl and they dated for 4 years. After she broke up with him, he struggled to accept it, and one early morning he went to confront her new fiance, they struggled, and Jesse shot and killed the man. Three days later the Lord woke me up at 4 am and told me to look for a book on Amazon. It was your Waiting Together book . I never went anywhere without it for over a year.
I had to go to my son’s trial alone. My husband had to painfully remain in Peru. My “stretcher bearers” were three women back in the US who each called me and said they would go with me. Nicole was a young mother, but provided an Airbnb for me and Marion and Claire. Claire and Marion took turns driving back and forth after work, taking days off so that one of them could always stay the night with me. I was never alone,. Whoever was there, would walk to the courthouse with me, hold my hand while we passed the TV cameras and crowds of onlookers. They held my hand during the excruciating testimonies and accusations. They both had known my son since he was born, so they were sisters who grieved with me. At one point, Marion called Nicole, who was seeing my same Christian therapist, and told her to ask him to take a call from me from the courthouse, and he did. My “stretcher bearers” bore the weight of that week with me. I know it left them bruised by the experience, but for the past 5 plus years, they have continued to walk with me very closely in this journey. Because my son has ASD, his 4 years in jail were brutal, with beatings, hospitalizations, surgeries, and then something worse. I thought it would kill me. I wanted to die, rather than hold on. But my precious sisters continued to hold my hand through it all, and they still do. I am stronger that I thought, and God has given me strength through this experience that I didn’t know I could have.
Now my Jesse is thriving as best he can in prison. He leads worship, teaches Bible studies, translates for several worship services, and remains so purposeful. Your books have given me vision for what can be, and how to hope for the future. I’m so grateful for your courage and willingness to share your story and reflect on Gods work in your life. I have struggled to share my story. Please pray that I can find my voice. This Saturday I will be giving a devotional talk to our Peruvian missionaries and I want to tell them about my “stretcher bearers”. I didn’t know why I was taking so much time to write on your page when I needed to be figuring out what I was going to teach and write something – then God smiled and said, you just did!
Thank you Carol. Love from Peru, Cynthia
I have had a hard grief Journey for some years. Friday will be my son, Travis’ birthday. He went to heaven years ago at 3 months old.
Fifteen years ago my daughter went to heaven in April just before my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He died just 17 days after diagnosis.
In September 2022 my sweet son, Jay my youngest, was carried to heaven by angels after 7 horrendous weeks of suffering in ICU. My mother went to heaven 3 weeks before Jay while he was in ICU. So grief has been a huge part of my life. I had already lost my dad & my in-laws. I don’t have a lot of support. If you live alone like I do & manage to survive then people think you are strong. They don’t see you needing help. And I ask only when necessary.
My church does this lovely thing like assign a deacon to every widow. But here’s the thing. Mine seldom checks in on me. At times I am desperate for help & notify him. It’s not that he & his church group have never helped me. They did one year & I appreciated it but for the most part I would need to ask for help & that’s not a big part of my DNA.
I MISS MY HUSBAND & YOUNGEST SON tremendously but no one talks about it. People don’t want to talk about it. I realized that long ago with my baby boy’s death.
I do what I can. I try to educate people with my writing. Not in a harsh way but in an everyday way— love, lonely, God, & more.
He
Don’t expect anything in return. Sometime we just need to voice our heart cries to someone. It helps.
Carol, I recall seeing your beautiful niece and namesake at Speak Up last year, and I am grieving with you. So much loss lately, yet every word you’ve written here is helping others, including me today. Praying for Jared right now.
Praying for your family.
Just reading this takes my breath away. I am stopping to pray for your family right now. I will see you at Speak Up tomorrow.
Thankyou, dear Carol. I needed this and I am praying for Carol & Jared Kresge & the boys everyday day.
My husband had a brain stroke not too long ago! He’s got mobility with his right leg, and uses his quad cane for his left leg. When the stroke happened in the early morning hours, I thought I’d be a widow! Terrified me. But God!!! Rick cannot use his left arm as his arm still droops and his hand looks swollen. However…5 days a week at 7am he does his PT! He can be a bit “klunky” on his left arm, but this man is now working in the yard cutting grass, working with his bees, and full of energy—and then falls into bed dead-dog tired. But, he just keeps on doing what he loves and has many supportive friends in our church community! He’s a hero when he shows up each week with his quad cane.
I never envisioned us being in this place, but I’m grateful to the Lord. He’d taken a “licking” and keeps on ticking! Big news! We love to travel, and I never thought we’d travel again. Got things figured out, researched British Airways and saw what our limitations might be! BA has many older passengers who fly often. People are well cared for. AND, after 2 weeks in Poland, we’ll head to Switzerland for 2 weeks to see our American son, Nathan, and his wife and 2 adorable grand kids there. I am the mother of six, and we have 8 grandkids!
God is good! In this world we have had trouble, BUT take heart! says Jesus—I have overcome the world!
Thank you for your ministry to those who have been acquainted with grief. ❤️❤️